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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857479">Whole and healing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113'>Zoya113</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dadgens, F/M, Father figure hidgens, Hurt and comfort, tw for medication?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:00:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One night as Hidgens is looking after Emma when she isn’t well, she seems well enough to notice something isn’t quite right with him</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emma Perkins &amp; Henry Hidgens, Emma Perkins/ Paul Matthews</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Whole and healing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Cleaning out drafts again and WOW this was an old one this is probably the oldest of the bunch all the way back in perhaps early june? Maybe earlier? For anyone who’s stuck around that long this was before I started spacing my work &amp; prior to editing there wasn’t even one ‘dear’ so that’s a bit of a statement</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Hi Professor! It’s Paul, sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could ask a really big favour?’ Hidgens received the text at about 7 o clock. He was sitting at his dining table, completely absorbed in the college yearbook in front of him. </p><p>‘Hello Paul, what can I do for you? Is everything alright?’ He responded, it was unusual for someone to be texting him through Emma’s phone but he stopped his mind from jumping to the worst possible conclusion. </p><p>‘Everything is fine! I have a stock meeting I have to attend tonight and I was hoping I could drop Emma off at yours for a bit?’ </p><p>‘That’s not a worry, it will be lovely to see her. Is something wrong?’ Hidgens wasn’t sure what Paul meant or why his business meeting meant Emma had to come over but Paul was quick to message again. </p><p>‘It’s hard to explain, she’s started taking some pain killers for her bad leg and they’re a little strong. I don’t really want to leave her on her own when she takes them.’</p><p>‘Of course. Neither would I. Bring her over.’ </p><p>Hidgens paced nervously around his empty house, not sure whether he had to clean up or prepare dinner for his guest. It had been a long time since he had someone over. </p><p>“Alexa!” </p><p>The machine chimed. </p><p>“Open the gates, turn on all the lights!” <br/>He spent five minutes lingering by the door waiting for the sound of Paul’s car pulling into his driveway. He prepared a calmer facade, clearing his throat as Paul knocked on the door. </p><p>He opened it up with a smile that quickly fell off his face when he saw Emma’s state. </p><p>“I wasn’t sure who else to take her to, I hope this isn’t a problem,” Paul explained frantically.</p><p>“My leg isn’t that bad,” Emma vehemently denied although she was only standing on one leg. Her bandaged leg was hovering awkwardly above the ground. “I don’t need any pain killers tonight.” </p><p>“There’s no use arguing, I saw what you were like when you got home,” Paul had his arm around Emma’s shoulder like she couldn’t stand up straight on her own. </p><p>“I’m really sorry, Professor. If you’re busy I could just stay home,” Emma began.</p><p>“No, it’s not a problem, dear” he looked at Emma hesitantly, she looked awful.</p><p>“She’s been taking pain killers for her leg after work everyday. They’re pretty strong,” Paul awkwardly straightened his tie. “Usually she’s pretty good once she’s taken them. She gets pretty sleepy, she won’t cause any trouble. I’ll get home as soon as I can. We’re having a stock meeting at work tonight and I really have to show up. I’m really sorry.” </p><p>“No! No, it’s fine. I can watch her for a bit.” </p><p>“The doctor finally ordered her off full shifts until her leg gets better. It’s because she’s always standing at work and walking everywhere. She’s always busy,” Paul told Hidgens over Emma’s frustrated remarks. “She’s putting pressure on it all day. Whenever she gets home from work she can barely walk sometimes, she may as well still have that pipe through her leg.” </p><p>Hidgens nodded as Paul rambled. “I can keep an eye on her for an hour. Just let me know when you’re on your way back.” </p><p>“I will, thank you professor. Thank you so much,” Paul was red in the face with embarrassment as he hurried back down the driveway to his car after seeing Emma off. </p><p>Hidgens put his arm around Emma to help her limp over to the couch. </p><p>“Sorry, it’s weird. I don’t know what to do, Paul gets so worried about it but it’s not as big of a deal.” She rummaged around in her backpack and pulled out a bottle of medicine, washing it down her throat with some water. “It feels a little like I have to be babysat.” She leant back, shutting her eyes. “Ugh, yeah, it’s pretty bad. It gets really shitty when I’m up all day but Paul shouldn’t have to worry about it.” </p><p>“Would you have gone to the doctors if he wasn’t worrying about you?” Hidgens tilted his head. </p><p>“No, probably not,” Emma laughed sheepishly. A small sweat had broken out on her forehead and she grunted again. </p><p>“Are you handling it okay?” Hidgens asked, kneeling over next to the couch. </p><p>She nodded, gritting her teeth. “I’ll make it. It’s not like I’m dying. It just hurts like a bitch!” </p><p>She looked so drowsy Hidgens was almost certain she would stay like that for the whole duration of her visit.</p><p>“Are you handling it okay?” He asked, kneeling over next to the couch. </p><p>“Hhmf,” was all Emma could say. She tried to open her eyes but shut them after two seconds. “Hidgens,” she greeted him tiredly. “It’s not that bad,” she told him. “The meds just make me tired,” her words were slurred. Not from exhaustion yet, more from the pain he supposed. “And listen, Paul laughed at me when I said it so I guess I’m a pretty shit biologist but I just thought my leg was gonna hurt forever, didn’t think I had to give it time to recover.” </p><p>Hidgens chuckled uncertainly, not sure what to say. “It’s fine if you have to go to close your eyes.” </p><p>“Hey, it’s dinner time. Why aren’t you eating anything?” She asked, her squinted eyes surveying the room. </p><p>Hidgens blinked. “Excuse me?” </p><p>“I dunno. There’s just nothing on your table, man.”</p><p>Hidgens turned around as if he had to confirm this fact. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was dinner time, he hadn’t even thought of that. </p><p>“Well, I was just a little preoccupied, Emma. I’ll make sure to eat later.” </p><p>“Preoccupied with what?” Was what Hidgens assumed Emma had tried to say but it came out too elided for him to understand it, he had to rely on tone alone to decipher her words. </p><p>“Nothing you have to worry about, dear. Close your eyes for a moment, you’ll go right off to sleep.” </p><p>Emma did, and he was sure she was asleep for ten or twenty minutes but when she awoke she wasn’t much better.<br/>“Hidgens,” she called from her place on the couch. “Dinner. For you. You should eat. You’re just staring at that book? What is it?” </p><p>To his surprise she rose from the couch and stumbled over, collapsing into one of his dinner chairs with a hiss of pain. “Don’t tell Paul I was walking,” she added before stealing the book from his hands. </p><p>“That’s my year book from when I was a student,” he explained before Emma pried any further. </p><p>“That’s so lovely,” Emma smiled sleepily. “Do you miss these guys?” She asked, tracing her finger over the images on the page Hidgens was staring at. </p><p>“Well, it’s been a long time now Emma. But I just can’t forget them,” he confessed, the thoughts heavy on his mind tonight. Worse so than usual.</p><p>“Hey, this ones you,” she pointed out. <br/>“You look so happy here,” she moved to turn the page but Hidgens plucked the book back. </p><p>“Let’s put it away for now, shall we?” He had no problem supervising Emma but he didn’t expect her to be so interrogative. He didn’t need to spill everything to her where she wasn’t even half awake.</p><p>“I’ll get you dinner,” she offered. “I can buy you something.” </p><p>Hidgens shook his head. “No thank you, Emma. Do you remember what medication you’re taking?” </p><p>“Nope. All I know is that it tastes like shit and it makes me sleepy.” She rested her head on the table with a laugh like she had said something clever. “So Paul won’t let me stay alone because he’s worried I’ll do something ‘stupid’ or ‘reckless.’” </p><p>“Well I think it’s best for the both of us if you do what Paul says and try and sleep,” he brushed his fingers over the corner of the year book anxiously.</p><p>“He tells me to sleep whenever I have to take my medication, c’mon I thought you’d let me stay up,” she teased like it was some sort of teenager sleepover. “I’m not operating heavy machinery, you know.”</p><p>“Aren’t you tired?”</p><p>“Yeah but I’ve got work to do. Primarily, getting you the dinner you forgot because you were too busy swooning over a year book or something.”</p><p>Hidgens was almost too shocked to laugh. “That’s the last thing you should be worrying about.”</p><p>“But I don’t want you to miss dinner because you’re busy on babysitting duty,” she trudged towards the kitchen, stretching out. “You’re the only person Paul or I could go to for this sorta shit. Let me return the favour. Maybe you can tell me about those guys while I fix something up for you. You sound like you like them.”</p><p>“Emma-“ he tried to stop her talking. </p><p>“Because y’known I never cared much for my highschool friends, ugh,” she rolled her eyes. “they could be dead for all I care, really.”</p><p>“Emma,” Hidgens’ hands clenched, his nails digging into his skin as he turned away from her. “Have a lie down again. Do you need more painkillers?” </p><p>“I’m doing fine they’ve kicked in man, I’m having a good time, you know. I have a plan.”</p><p>Hidgens didn’t like plans from half drugged up Emma. “Yes?”</p><p>“We should reconnect you with them! Put you up on Craigslist or some shit,” she chuckled. “Wouldn’t it be fun? To see them again? Oh well. I guess they’d be pretty hard to find nowadays anyway. Caus they’re old.” </p><p>He pursed his lips shut. It would. But that wasn’t quite an option. His boys were long gone. </p><p>“So they can’t use phones,” Emma filled in the gaps like she hadn’t quite landed a joke right, she laughed to herself anyways. </p><p>“Alright, alright. I think that’s more than enough Emma. I’m sorry I showed you that, but there’s no need to talk about it any more.” He pressed a hand firmly to the bookshelf to make sure the yearbook was in there. “If you’ll excuse me for one moment.” </p><p>“Mhm!” She called back as he wandered off into the hall.</p><p>He didn’t know what room he was heading to, he just had to distance himself from that talk. He had never really brought it up, he never did. What happened to his boys. It just stayed inside his head, he didn’t need to burden her with a story like that.</p><p>He opened the bathroom door, splashing cool water over his face to calm himself down. But he could see in the mirror how old he was getting. All the little creases in his skin and the deepness of his eyes, just a tinge of hollowness in the paleness of his cheeks.</p><p>They had all imagined growing old together, they used to joke about throwing that football back and forth in wheelchairs, Stu came up with it, Greg was the one who found it funny.</p><p>He hadn’t said their names in a while, even if their faces flashed through his head on a daily basis. </p><p>He gripped at the sink, wiping a stray hair back behind his ear. That was a lot to carry. </p><p>There was so much weight on his shoulders and yet his heart still felt empty. Nothing had quite filled it, no matter how much he tried to escape into his music or distract himself with his science. There was just a presence in his life that was missing.</p><p>God. Why did Emma bring that up.</p><p>He knew it wasn’t her fault, he had the year book out and  she wasn’t in her right mind. She probably couldn’t even see the distress in his eyes, he was glad for that part. He didn’t need to put this on her.</p><p>He slumped over, staring down into the basin. He didn’t want to look at himself, it was hard to think about it.</p><p>He had had it tucked away so long, never faced it properly in the first place, no wonder it was still so hard to bring up these days. </p><p>The way he fit in, he’s never had that happen ever again. He’s never experienced the joy he felt with them, never had another friend like that. Even if he’s try and take a colleague to their favourite places - the theatre, the sports yard, the coffee shop by the school- he could never recreate those moments, those smiles that reached the eyes or the jokes that stuck around until they weren’t funny anymore. </p><p>He missed their smiles and their laughs and their jokes, and he missed the way he knew everything about them and they knew everything about him. He missed their silent communication, and their teasing remarks about a loud classmate or a teacher who assigned too much homework, he missed being able to talk with someone for hours about nothing, and he missed enjoying their company without the need for words. He missed sharing and keeping secrets. He missed living his life with them, and expecting to spend the rest of theirs together. <br/>But mostly, he just missed feeling whole.</p><p>He was interrupted before he could feel the need to cry by a clatter from outside. </p><p>He straightened back up, glancing at the door for a moment. </p><p>He shouldn’t have left Emma alone for so long. Not when she thought she could walk. </p><p>He hurried back out, rubbing his eyes and praying they weren’t red - or at least that she wouldn’t notice. “Emma? Emma, are you okay?” </p><p>“Oh! Sorry Hidgens,” she was up by the table, leaning on one of the chairs for support. “I dropped a fork, that’s all,” she held it up in her other hand, placing it back down on the table besides a bowl. </p><p>“What’s that?” He asked, approaching it curiously. </p><p>“Dinner!” She explained. “I made it.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh. It certainly wasn’t quite there. Cooking on meds like that wasn’t a genius idea. </p><p>“I’m not a great chef but I heard you mention you liked noodles once so,” she gestured to the bowl again. “I did the college student special, ‘ramen from slightly old ingredients I found in the fridge.’ And chicken stock, because who doesn’t like chicken stock, man?” She shook her head at that last part, enthused that was a possibility that could ever exist, her eyes were still glassy, and a light chuckle made its way through her shut lips. </p><p>“You shouldn’t be cooking when you shouldn’t even be standing,” he scolded, because he didn’t know how to thank her.</p><p>“Yeah yeah. Just don’t tell Paul,” she snickered, dragging her leg back to the couch to rest her head. “Just make sure you eat, man!” </p><p>“Thank you Emma,” he nodded, pulling out a chair with his back facing her. </p><p>He sighed into his hands, trying to muster up an appetite. </p><p>It was certainly a home made meal, but she did well with the scarce ingredients he kept around the house anyways. </p><p>He took in his first mouthful, gagging a little. Oh she certainly was a fan of the chicken flavouring. Or maybe she was too drowsy to notice anyways. And either way, that was... sweet. </p><p>He glanced over his shoulder to where she was curled up on his couch, making herself at home amongst his pillows like she was building herself a nest. “Any good?” She asked when she saw him looking.</p><p>“Yes, Emma. It’s lovely. Thank you, really.”<br/>He turned back, letting his heavy eyes rest for a second. </p><p>Maybe his heart wasn’t as empty as he thought. Maybe that space could be filled again, maybe, he was already healing.</p>
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